Running Away, Catching Up, and Brew2Brew

This post is primarily going to be a quick catch up on training as I'm a little over a week away from the Free State 100k, but I wanted to get a little thoughtful and play armchair therapist a bit first. Please bear with me. (Skip down a bit if you don't want to read all the personal stuff)

A friend of mine posted on Facebook, something along the lines of "I've been down lately, so I ran a whole bunch, but I'm still down and now I'm frustrated."(Heavily paraphrased)

Well, I don't know AT ALL what THAT feels like. Not one bit. (Is the sarcasm thick enough?)

Yes, the past 4-5 months have been quite rough for me, but I feel like I'm finally coming out the other side and really feeling like myself again. I definitely sympathize with my friend, having just gone through that, but it really got me thinking after I responded to his post with basically an off-the-cuff comment. 

"Running away from your problems doesn't work unless you have something to run towards."

About 30 seconds after posting this, my brain said "Holy shit." and we went full blown epiphany. 

Literally AND figuratively, this is possibly the most profound thing I've realized since my relationship ended. In a literal sense, when everything fell apart with my ex, I immediately needed running in my life as a source of distraction and as one of the few places of refuge and serenity in my life. I was under no illusion that any of my problems would be solved, nor would they just magically go away with enough time...but for the time being, I needed something...anything...to take my mind off of the heartache. 

This whole time, my sole focus was what was behind me. The thing that was gone, the thing I missed. The thing I was running away from. The pain and the loss. I was trying to get as far away from those things as possible, but in an abstract sense, I really hadn't picked a particular direction in which to run. Just AWAY. The problem there is that when you're traveling with no compass and no destination in mind, you tend to stray from your original heading, and over enough time you end up going in circles and ending up right back where you started. See? Clever, huh?

So lately, I've started piecing things back together in a big way. Staying on top of my life responsibilities was the first step. Things as small as tidying up my room...cleaning my car...scheduling overdue appointments with dentists and doctors...and finally biting the bullet, sacking up, and deciding to see a therapist. Maybe just for a little while, just to get some perspective and a little direction. And because I deserve to be happy. (Remember my New Year's resolutions?)

Well wouldn't you know it, all of these little things that I'm doing in my own life...as it turns out, THEY are the thing that are making the difference. Essentially, without being consciously aware of it until now, I have shifted my life's focus away from the past, and towards the future...towards the person I want to be. I don't know exactly when this shift occurred, and it's likely that it just happened gradually enough for me to not notice, but it has rendered upon me an incredible sense of happiness and empowerment that I've only experienced a few other times in my life. So that's nice...

Anyways...back to training stuff!!!

I finished my exercise challenge yesterday, having only missed a workout on 3 of the first 100 days of this year. In the end, I realized that perfection had never been the goal. The goal was to make a commitment to self-improvement and get some serious repetition on very positive and healthy habits. I'd say Mission Fucking Accomplished! I've had 3 wildly successful ultramarathons, rediscovered and built my yoga practice back from scratch, and I'm still injury free! Speaking of that 3rd ultra...

Brew 2 Brew 2013 - 43 Mile Solo Run!!!

Pre-Sunrise start, I'm the goofy bald guy making faces for Dick Ross

I signed up for this race with the intention that it would be my last long run and nutrition systems test before the 100k. I went back and forth on thinking it was a bad idea. Too close to raceday, too many pavement miles, possibility of injury. I decided to just listen to my body and see what happened. Some mystery pain the week before led me to a much needed visit with my massage therapist, and with those issues resolved I headed into the Brew2Brew with a relaxed attitude and the promise to myself that if things weren't feeling right, I'd drop and not give a single fuck. At least I hoped I could keep that promise to myself. 

With some zinc oxide sunscreen slathered on my freshly bald head(I let some kiddos shave it at a cancer research benefit) and the same nutritional plan that has fueled my other races this year, I arrived at Boulevard Brewery feeling calm, loose, and collected. I did not know who else was running the solo race, but I hadn't necessarily planned on running with anybody. As we lined up, I saw Wael and Danny M, fellow badass ultra Nerds. In the midst of chatting with them, the race started and we moved forward. Within a few miles, we were still together and chatting so it was more or less agreed upon that we'd just stick together since none of us had a particular time goal in mind. 

As the miles began to tick away, we kept seeing our splits coming in at 9:15 and 9:30, and every mile we kept saying, "Woah, we need to slow down or we'll regret it later." But we didn't heed our own advice. We all felt pretty good and were moving really well and we ran just over 20 miles at that pace. After we passed the halfway point, the course began to get hillier, and as our legs began to fatigue, we started employing some very effective run/walking. We'd point to a landmark(usually at the beginning of a hill) and say "Run to that telephone pole" and then we'd get a walk break. I had never run a race in this fashion, and I'm told this is THE strategy for 100 milers. It worked beautifully. 

At some point it was decided that we should shoot to finish under 8 hours, so we checked our time occasionally to make sure we stayed well within reach of that goal. Honestly, this was my longest run ever, by several miles, and I haven't run anywhere near this far in almost 2 years. The crazy thing is that even though I was sore, I don't think I struggled at any point today. We strode proudly into Lawrence, KS to a mob of adoring(drunk) fans(just people, really) and crossed the finish line side by side in 7:48. 

Chugging along with Wael and Danny M

I saw lots of familiar faces and shared lots of fun ultra stories with Danny and Wael, but one of my favorite things about this race has to do with the fact that it is primarily a relay race. Teams of up to 10 people dress in costumes and drink beer as they divy up the 43 miles between them. What this provided for was aid stations packed to the gills with people waiting for their runners to show up and tag them in (Don't worry, the aid stations themselves were reserved for solo runners and I never had to wait). The really really cool thing was that a good chunk of these relayers were either non-runners or just casual runners. And to a non-runner/casual runner, the idea of somebody running THE WHOLE THING seems ludicrous, absurd, and amazing. I know this because 6 years ago, as part of training for my first half marathon, I donned a bib number for the first time and did 2 legs of the 2007 Brew2Brew. I remember how I felt back then as I looked at these solo runners finishing and I thought they were gods. GODS, I tell ya!

Anyways...back to the present day. Every single aid station we passed, we were met with so many cheers and pats on the back, I couldn't help but feel like a hero of some sort. Though it's a severe simplification, I suspect that this feeling is as close as I'll ever get to knowing how members of the armed forces feel when they return home from active duty in a warzone. I kinda hoped for a band playing Sousa marches for us at the finish line, but there must've been a scheduling conflict with the local VFW or something. 

There weren't too many crazy stories to tell from this race, or at least nothing deserving enough to be exaggerated and elaborated upon in overly flowery words. The moral of the story was that I completed the longest run of my life and, with the help of two well-seasoned ultra runners keeping me company, it went really really smoothly. And the best news yet? In the four days since Brew2Brew, I've run twice and my legs really feel fantastic. I'm going to get one last massage from Katie tomorrow morning, and then I'll be ready to take on the Free State 100k with a full head of steam. And not to mention, I have recruited the One-And-Only Matty Mullins to pace me for the last 20 miles!  Needless to say...I feel very good about my chances of finishing and getting my first belt buckle!

I'll leave you with a few more photos from B2B. Photos by Dick Ross, courtesy of KC Track Club

Sunrise on the levee

The infamous boat crossing

Finish line with Danny M and some adoring fans